especially for erin

i need to point out a few things:

a. shady mcshaderson. who is she? who knows.
b. software programmer in training. 35 years later, he still dresses the same.
c. erin's 'UGE glasses. she could probably lick them if she tried.
d. yes, not only is my hair crimped, there is also a random section pulled to the side.
e. 3 words: acid wash jeans.
f. tree growing out of concrete. amazing.

welcome to 1988.

only in boston...

can you go to opening night of the boston pops (with ben folds) and see a fistfight break out in the balcony.

black sheep

first day of kindergarten and senior year.
i'd say that my parents pretty much set me up to be different.

setting expectations

i am a hermit until thursday evening. who will play with me then?

anyone?

anyone?

do you guys even remember me?

done y done!

last week was spent in mesa, arizona watching these two people join in holy matrimony

we had breakfast the morning before at the t.c. eggingtons, only the best breakfast place in the country. someone has morning face!

preston getting cold feet? no, of course not.

i think we might be dreaming of our beds right now

okay, marie. let's take a good one.

no really, a good one this time.
we got manicures and pedicures and went shopping at the mall later that day. seth got me the biggest drink known to man. this one's for you peg!

then later that night preston's parents hosted a dinner for the family and close friends. this is marie and me in the car on our way. we clean up nice, no?

the ceremony was very beautiful, of course. i cried, of course. we then waited for them outside of the temple in the beautiful az sun. the couple emerges victorious!

all the friends: alyssa, cameron, jen, marie, preston, seth, julie, kylee, jared.

congrats you guys! i love you!

a phoenix from the ashes

i had to call the cops last night on this couple that was fighting in front of my house. the guy was shoving the girl into a fence and they were yelling and screaming at each other. as far as i could tell (and i hope this is true), they were breaking up.

within a matter of about 45 seconds, while i was still on the phone with the 911 operator, two cop cars came screaming down the road. it's amazing that we live in a country where we can call the police, and actually have them come to our aide.

i'm still a little shaken up by the whole thing, i guess. i don't really know what is wrong with me today, but i feel gripped with anxiety and i just want to cry. instead, i think i'll get on a plane with 4 of my best friends and fly to warmer climates. adios!

just a little plug for a good cause...

confession # 3 (at least)

my crush list:

1. jack black
2. snoop dogg
3. eminem

...

.....

.......

i'm so ashamed!

i've said it before

and i'll say it again.

guster makes me happy!



(live in boston in december)

i dare anyone to listen to the song amsterdam and not feel happy.

oh what a night

last night i did a couple of things i haven't done in years:

• used a floppy disk
• had dinner with a homeless man

well, maybe we didn't have dinner together per se, but i was at kinko's in harvard square at about 2:30 am when in walks homeless man, whom i recognize as being the dude that practically lives in front of burdicks- please tell me someone else knows who i'm talking about, the man is practically a boston staple- and sits down at the computer right across from us and proceeds to eat a pretty delicious smelling dinner. it was weird, to say the least, and his food made me hungry.

as for the floppy disk, what can i say? i rock it old school.

my turn! my turn!

more than likely no one cares, but what they hey...

as seen here and here, the game is this: you put your itunes or ipod or windows media player or some ipod wannabe (or even disc man if your still rockin it old school) on shuffle and fill in each scene with the corresponding song, beginning with the first song that starts playing. you can't skip over any songs, you just have to take them as they come.

the following are what i came up with. things got off to an iffy start, but towards the end it was a little creepy how well the songs fit. see for yourself...

opening credits: "never let you go"- inxs
this song has such a long intro that we'd never even get to the words before the credits were over. also, there's a saxophone- don't all opening credits need a saxophone?

waking up: "slow down"- howie day
okay, i can see the day is starting out on the wrong foot...

first day at school: "treat her like a lady"- celine dion
yeah! sheesh! what's a girl got to do to get some respect around here?

falling in love: "winter solstice"- kaddisfly
"i am becoming ever more aware..." that this is my love life- a wintery solstice.

fight song: "space dementia"- muse
what's more frightening than a dementia? meh- muse always gets my blood pumping.

breaking up: "i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me"- fall out boy
no joke. this is the song that came up. i don't even know what to say.

prom: chapter 53 of "great expectations"- charles dickens
when are there not great expectations for prom? did i mention that i slipped in some water and fell at my prom? didn't expect that.

life's ok: "where is the love"- celine dion
you sing it celine. actually, i'm embarrassed that this is the 2nd celine song to come up. i wish this activity was proving me to be cool.

mental breakdown: "tourniquet" - evanescence
uh...wow. this is worse than i thought.

driving: "shoot the moon"- norah jones
i can't drive well at night. oncoming lights bother my eyes.

inner smile: "the runaways"- anberlin
okay, okay, i admit it! i'm addicted to america's next top model- you got me! i'm so ashamed!!!

flashback: "kiss from a rose"- seal
oh man, i hated this time of life. horrible flashback. make it stop.

getting back together: "love is a crime"- anastasia (from the soundtrack to "chicago")
amen sista.

wedding: chapter 25 of "great expectations"- charles dickens
hopefully my expectations have gotten a bit more grand than they were for prom...i'm just sayin...

birth of a child: "all creatures of our god and king"- mormon tabernacle choir
and a creature of me! appropriate.

final battle: "all the joy"- rachel mccartney
a wonderful look back at all things good. or, well, it's a rockin song.

death scene: "i hear noises"- tegan and sara
some people see the light, i hear the noises...

funeral: "she has no time"-keane
no, she certainly doesnt.

well, that was fun.

i scream...no, literally

okay, sorry, yesterday's post was a little heavy. my bad.

last night i had a dream that i had to make the decision to give up either ice cream or slurpee's for the rest of my life. luckily, i woke up before i had to make the fateful choice.

that was the worst nightmare i've ever had.

confession # something

i once almost married someone.

that's kind of weird to admit on a blog, but i want to remember that today i am feeling really grateful that i didn't. sometimes i miss him, or at least the idea of him, but we were not the right people for each other and i know it would have been a great disservice to us both.

that's pretty much all i have to say. relationships blah blah blah....

this is what we're doing right now...

and yes, that's a look of true terror on rachel's face.

feeling hot, hot, hot!

the bahamas...

looked a lot like this:

and the water was clear and beautiful like this:

and as we walked along the beach we saw this:

then sitting on a dock we looked down to see this:

um...we looked like this?

okay, maybe more like this:

we spent a heck of a lot of this!

but when it was all over, we were like this:

and now for a more thorough report:

*

date: march 15th- 19th, 2007

place: nassau, bahamas

reason: none in particular

*

we arrived in nassau around noon on thursday, march 15th and took an extremely overpriced taxi to our hotel. we would soon learn that overpricing wasn't limited to transportation, but was actually a common occurrence among every consumable good from the vending machine to the hotel we were staying in. this was lesson 1 in the bahamas.

*

lesson 2 was soon to follow, which was that everything runs on bahamian time; at least 1 hour slower than u.s. time (which i guess is more like 2 hours slower than east coast time). i'm not talking about time zones, but rather the pace at which everything moves. after changing into shorts and t-shirts we wandered over to a little shack of a restaurant on the beach to get some food. the service was not bad, our waitress was friendly, but if during the process of putting in our order, delivering our food, and getting us the check she had moved any slower she might have been going backwards. what should have been a quick, maybe 30 minute meal became an hour and a half ordeal. not once was our water refilled. okay, point taken.

*

lesson 3 occurred concurrent with lesson 2 which is that the men in the bahamas are extremely friendly and flirty. when the waitress approached us about the bill she said, "that man over there will take care of you." of course we assumed we would pay the man over there. it wasn't until we stood up and turned around and realized she was talking about the customer that had been sitting at the bar ( the same one who sang along with every single song that played on the radio) as being the man that would "take care" of us. a little embarrassed and confused, but mostly flattered we thanked him as we walked out. in his bahamian accent he said, "you ladies enjoy your vacation." ...!!...

*

so lessons aside, we spent all of our time sleeping in, swimming, and basking in the beautiful sunlight and reading all day on the beach (i started and finished the book life of pi in 3 days. bnb 4ever!). we were able to wander into downtown nassau where the streets are lined with all kinds of high end clothing and jewelry stores which somehow thrive despite the fact that black market replica's of almost everything in the stores can be purchased at the straw market at one end of the street. In that area it's nearly impossible to find any decently priced meals-refer to lesson 1-and the streets are packed with tourists from all over the world. it wasn't until sunday as we took a 45 minute jitney (bus) ride to the outskirts of the island to go to church that we saw the real culture of the island. it reminded me of guatemala. at night we watched movies on my laptop and fell asleep to the sweet sounds of underage spring breakers partying at the pool below us. in the morning (okay, early afternoon) we awoke to the sound of a parade going down the street and steel drums playing the tune to "feeling hot, hot, hot!" all in all it was pretty awesome.

*

so, my overall impression of the bahamas was this... although it was a good time, it was waaaaaaay to expensive for what it was. granted, we were on the main island (the capital) which is bound to be more dirty, more expensive, and more populated than other islands. if you're going to go, may i recommend a different island than nassau. also, and this will explain why none of my peeps got any gifts, unless you have hundreds of dollars to blow on stuff for friends, don't expect to get anything for anyone. on that same note, if you want to shop because you do have hundreds of dollars to blow on yourself or people, this might be the place for you. but you probably don't, cause if you're reading this it's because i know you (well, maybe) and i don't think i know anyone who has hundreds of dollars to blow, but if you do let me know and i'd be happy to be your tour guide for the bahamas.

*

until next trip.

because she won't share

and i think it's brilliant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJOXXEHxJio

not to mention...

there are a few things i need to recount from this weekend past...

friday: i can't remember much except that i worked from my bed all the live long day. it rocked. oh yeah, then there was that "win a date" thing at the church, where everyone who went felt the need to come up with some excuse for being there (i went to support ky)...it was...um...it was...uh....anyway...

saturday: climbing. not just climbing- OUTDOOR climbing! hooray! it was a toasty 45 degrees on saturday so of course we (marie, bryce, katie, other guy, and gil) headed out to the quarry to get our climb on. we roped up in 2 different places on this rock face, one more challenging than the other, and did each route a few times each. then, when it was all over i cleared the route by climbing to the top, over the ropes and the top of the cliff, and unhooked all the gear, than threw it down to the people below and hiked back down. it was freaking awesome!!!!!

sunday: i was told that i'm not allowed to blog about this. so i'm not going to tell you that i went to the e.r. with someone (for the sake of discretion we'll call her m. thompson...no,no...marie t) but anyway, i'm not going to tell you that someone else came (p. criddle) and someone else (p. deming) to keep us company and that we smuggled disgusting hospital cafeteria food into the room, then left without much of a resolution... but you didn't hear that from me.

monday: yes, i know that's not a weekend day, but still- it's worth mentioning. last night the roomies and me and our honorary roomie, marie, went to ikea! we ate meatballs then walked around and bought unnecessary stuff. it was a blast as usual, except that marie got sick. looks like meatballs are off the menu for her wedding.

tuesday: (because this just happened) i found a new love. it's an audi s4. why, brian, why? this is a v8 4.2 liter, 340 hp...are you serious? anyway, top down/music blasting, we cruised out to concord at about 90 mph. it's a beautiful day and a beautiful car. sigh.

ok, i'm done.

who's on youtube?

a ugoogoly

dear friends and family,

i'd like to take this opportunity to ask for a moment of silence for the cheat, who left us on tuesday march 6th, 2007 at approximately 12:47 pm. survived by his loving owner and many passengers, he will not soon be forgotten.

the decision to sell the cheat was not an easy one, but was made after much consideration to the fact that keeping him in boston was like keeping a golden retriever in a high rise apartment. horrible roads and traffic in our great city were just too stifling to the thousands of dollars of work and modifications previously done for increased speed and the cheat's innermost desire to be driven fast. sweet releif was rarely found save for the tiny stretch of frontage road on either side of route 2 in belmont. still, it was not enough to satisfy the beast and feeling it unfair to keep him around any longer, he was taken to ohio last weekend where he was sold at the auto auction to a loving dealership who will no doubt find him a more appropriate home. a home where he will be free to be as fast and reckless as possible, endangering lives all around- just as he was intended to do. sigh.

i can't say i won't miss him dearly. i can say, however, i won't miss dropping at least $500 every time he goes to the shop for some reason or another. i won't miss scanning the streets for every tiny pothole coming my way, and i wn't miss worrying about damaging the ground effects every time i pull out of my driveway. and though it may surprise you, i probably won't miss the flames either.

some may wonder, are the days of fast cars and easy men* over for me? perhaps for a time. of course, there's always that z3 i love so much...

*don't worry mom and dad, it's just a joke.

i am an island

guess what world?

i am not a rock.

for the most part, i hide my emotions well.

i deal with stuff on my own.

i bottle things up.

then sometimes i break.

and i hurt people because i am selfish.

then i cry. a lot.

and i feel

lonely.

incredibly lonely.

and the loneliness increases because of my rebellious nature.

"let me come to that conclusion on my own," i say.

even though i already have.

but i hope that someday i grow up.

and maybe in the meantime, you can love me anyway?

less is more

some may wonder why i removed my last two picture blog posts. the truth is, i don't like they way they look. i think they take up too much space and probably everyone that i would want to see them has at this point.

plus, it's my blog and i'll do what i want so back off! :)

ok, really- i'm just tired of people mistaking me for clark gable.

not tonight

is a really good song by tegan and sarah. most people hate them, but i hate those people. not really.

it's friday afternoon, so naturally, time for some senseless rambling...

i was reading one of my many started-but-not-finished journals the other night. the first entry, of course, indicates a commitment on my part to write frequently. that entry is on january 26th, 2006. the next entry is on march 1st, and the following (and final) entry is on april 10th. so much for the commitment.

but then i got to thinking, what do i want a journal for anyway? i have a blog which pretty much covers the highlights of my life should my posterity somehow ever become interested. i know, i know, a journal is supposed to be more personal. and sure, there are things in my journals that i'd never post on a blog, but when it comes down to it, i'm pretty sure i don't want my kids knowing some of the crap i've done or continue to do. and yes, perhaps some would argue that it may help my kids to identify more with me, but i've never read my parents journals and somehow i've still managed to believe that they are human beings. so in short, i'm done feeling bad about not being a journal writer...yeah, maybe that's what i'll give up for lent...journals.

last night i went climbing with marie. it was awesome as always, and i climbed a 5.8, which i consider to be a feat for someone who 1. lacks upper body strength, and 2. has only been climbing maybe 5 times? plus, marie gave me a high five, so that means something, right? of course, that was right after she got done doing the same climb one handed. make no mistake, that marie is a climber! she did tell me that i have to buy my own chalk bag now. maybe it's because i kept forgetting to give hers to her before she took off up the rock. i blame her at least 50% for that. but ok, ok, i'll get my own.

i've had my i-tunes shuffling through all my music (and audio books, podcasts, etc.) today which gives me the chance to listen to a lot of stuff i don't normally gravitate to on my own. besides, it's kind of exciting to listen to a chapter of great expectations stuffed somewhere between 'tool' and 'the flaming lips'. yeah, no, i don't actually listen to the whole chapter, but if i let it play for a few minutes, i can consider that my reading quota for the day has been fulfilled.

let's see, what else can i say for posterity sake? um...

uh...

er...

don't do drugs!

for lent

today is ash wednesday, which means 2 things:

1. i missed a ton of mardi gras parties last night. (dang!*)
2. time to decide what to give up for lent.

i guess i could go with the usual things; soda, chocolate (i'd rather die than give that up), candy, etc...or get more traditional and go without meat (but it's what's for dinner)...or maybe get creative and give up something like gchat or television series on dvd (i shudder to think of living life without either)...

when i asked a friend about what she was going to give up she said, "my assumptions." i've been thinking about that a lot and wonder if perhaps i should reach in deeper and find those personality traits or characteristics or habits which ultimately make my life harder, but which i can't seem to function without- and maybe give them up for the next 46 days.

so, what are you going to give up?

*by the way, i way preferred my pancake evening to any mardi gras party around. there were no parades, no masks, and no beads, but there was syrup...sweet, sweet syrup!

oh, and one more thing...

thank you, preston, for pointing out that today is

NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY!!!

yes, i will be making and enjoying some this eve.

i want candy

you know your sugar craving is serious when you actually consider pulling that box of jujubes that you threw away out of the garbage for one last hurrah.

just hypothetically speaking...

i've been looking so long at these pictures of you...

i have about a million (exaggeration) pictures that i have been remiss in posting, so i'm about to commence with a barrage of images for your viewing pleasure. no rhyme or reason, and i can't guarantee chronological accuracy, but i hope you enjoy. and feel free to steal these- just give me the credit for it when you become famous and it ends up on your vh1 "before they were stars" special.

a beautiful day at the beach in...um...december!

jared's getting ready...

and there he goes!

we're awesome.

pre-gala. we're hot!

guster! we waited in line for 15 hours to see them play 5 songs and we didn't even get to hear 'the captain'!

douglass with a mohawk- don't tell the bishop...

peggy is such a faker! way to "ruin" our new years eve! :)

post hospital we met up with rachel's boyfriend...

then peggy tried to hit on him... but she's on drugs at this point, so we forgive her.

and later that night back at the ranch (note the time)

(lush)

that's bryce's rear in the front, and seth's in the back. hot!

rj and bryce at the jewel concert. i guess it's a slow motion punch or something...?

marie and i don't know what's going on, but at least there's a time stamp.

yes- it's jewel. we were 900 miles away, so the camera zoom is maxed. it's the best i could do.

i bet if you look close you can tell where we are, and by the look on his face you can tell what he just did...
tada!

my valentines day cake- dripping with my blood! so emo!!

happy s.a.d.

...and so do i.

step 1: admitting you have a problem

today sucks. i don't know why, but i know i want to crawl into my bed for the rest of the evening...or the rest of my life...whatever.

anyway, i was talking to my mentor today about my current situation. not so much talking as near-tears venting. he said something very interesting to me which has a more profound affect the more i think about it.

he said, "your frustration is a product of your own expectations."

okay, so 2 things i like about this. one-it's so true. when it comes to this certain challenge i'm facing, i realize that i am expecting it to be something that it's not, and thereby creating my own disappointment. and two- i love that i have someone like him who knows me so well and doesn't let me just get away with complaining about life. he's not afraid to tell me to take responsibility for myself and to stop complaining and do something.

now, if only i can pull myself out of bed and move on to step 2...

ohio take 9

i spent some time visiting with my grandma tonight. she's 90 years old, so i don't put too much stock in some of the things she says, but it's certainly interesting to hear her stories.

tonight she laughed as she told me about visiting the rock 'n' roll hall of fame in cincinnati about 3 years ago. she said that they (my parents, brother, and she) watched a simulated jimmy hendrix concert and she thought the whole thing was live. it wasn't until weeks later that she found out that he's been dead for a number of years. my grandma freaking rocks.

ohio take 8 (is this getting old?)

top 10 reasons i love being home:

10. free food (and my mom's cooking)
9. being re-united with the z
8. my dad's jokes
7. head pets and back scratches at bedtime (i know, i'm 4 years old)
6. heat! these people actually run their heat! and carpet! oh, how i miss it sometimes.
5. getting the best sleep of my life
4. my 90 year old grandma (who asked if the waiter at dinner the other night was married...then played it off like she was asking for my benefit)
3. giggling uncontrollably with my little brother as we kneel for family prayer- getting my mom going (or sometimes she starts it), and waiting for that totally predictable eye roll from my dad
2. seeing how much my parents are in love still
1. the wonderful feeling of being a kid again, if even for a few moments out of a few days

ohio take 6...er 7

so i had a day of rest, sue me.

yesterday -post church and stuff- my little brother and i resumed our old time tradition of disney movie fest. and when i say fest, i mean it. three in a row people! this is something we used to do on sunday's when we lived together, and i've always loved it. what is it about everything disney that is so magical? is magical even a word? whatever, i digress.

when it was all over, i sat there thinking about how all girls want a prince charming. then i thought about prince charming in snow white and realized, no we don't! seriously, what did that dude do throughout the whole movie? nothing! he just showed up at the end for a little action and then rode off into the sunset with his woman. and cinderella's prince? again- nothing! it wasn't he who was searching all night for the girl attached to the right size foot. but again, he shows up in the end to reap the rewards. and the beast? don't even get me started on that one...

anyway, it's late and i have little desire to go off on my diatribe of qualities i'd like to have in my prince. all i'm saying is that i think we'd all like someone in our lives who are a bit more proactive. someone who will fight dragons for us. you know, like sleeping beauty's bf.

ohio take 5

i used to have a dog that looked exactly like the white one. she was my favorite pet of all time. she was 19 when we had to finally put her to sleep, which is 133 dog years old...and i have nothing interesting to add...

goodnight.

ohio take 4

these are the gems i get from my little bro:

(sorry kids, i didn't want the video on the blog anymore, but you can access it here)

enough said.

ohio take 3

i used the expression "all up in my grill" today while talking to my dad. later on this evening at dinner my dad said something about someone being "all up in his rake". uh, yeah... whatever dad.

in other news, my dad also told me last night that i can't stay past the 13th because the 14th is my parent's anniversary, and he doesn't want me cutting down any of his action. whoa! too much information?

ohio take 2

today as we were walking out to the car my dad said to me, "did you just get off the ship?" then laughed because apparently it was a joke. nobody else laughed because nobody else got it. as he turned around to get his keys, my mom mouthed to me, "what the hell did that mean?"

come to find out, he was referring to my puffy coat. can anyone name the movie?

ohio take 1

today my mom and i were cruising through the neighborhood in her bmw z3. she breezed through a stop sign and when i turned to her with an incredulous look on my face she responded innocently, "what? they're just guidelines."

children- use caution.

i'm leaving, on a jet plane...

dear blogger,

today i woke up, took the day off work, bought a one way plane ticket to columbus departing this evening, shared a chicken bake, hot dog, and churro with marie at costco, got on a plane and flew away.

somehow my bags, along with my mind, were left somewhere else because i don't see either of them around here.

love,

me

speaking of...

the best part of this trip has been the mornings. i wake up at around 7:30 and as i stumble out of bed and out to the living room my one year old nephew comes running up to me with a smile on his face. i pick him up and go sit on the couch by the fire and he lays his head down on my shoulder and just cuddles with me for about 10 minutes. then he slithers off my lap and off he goes...

speaking of slithering...i got a rental car for the first part of my trip. when i arrived at 1 am in salt lake i was tired and cranky and took what they gave me. later that day i discovered that the car hadn't been cleaned prior to my departure so i made the trek back out to the airport to exchange and get them to credit me for that day. of course, there was no manager on duty who had the authority to do such a thing, so i had to call back during the day sometime to talk to someone, blah, blah, blah. there are few things in life that bother me more than dis empowered employees...

speaking of employees...i hung out with my favorites, scott and drew, the other night (who aren't employees at all, but friends). we talked soccer and music mostly. it was awesome and i miss them terribly. they spent the night trying to convince me to move back, which isn't going to happen, but it's nice to be missed around here...

speaking of missing things, or rather not missing things... i went to church yesterday at my old ward. saw some familiar faces. confirmed that LP2 is sooooooooo much better...

speaking of faces...today i had to schedule an emergency dentist appointment because my vigorous flossing caused my permanent retainer on the bottom of my teeth to pop off (wow- i sound like such a nerd). anyway, they sanded the rest of the resin off my teeth. teeth sanding=painful=not fun. i have to go back tomorrow to get a new one put on...

speaking of painful...on my way back from the dentist i got pulled over. it's been 7 years, so i guess it's about time. luckily the cop was actually kind and just let me off with a warning. it probably didn't hurt that i gave him my digits and winked at him a lot. okay, that didn't actually happen. i was pulled over for expired registration and it wasn't my car...

speaking of cars... i paid one of mine off today, which is kind of a cool feeling. it was nice to walk into the bank with a few thousand dollars, and out of the bank with the title in hand. oh wait, it's not mine anymore... oh, that's right, i was able to pay it off because i sold it... well, whatever...

speaking of being paid...the other night my 6 year old nephew told me to tell my little brother that he wanted him to find a wife, and that he'd pay him to find a wife. i asked him if he wanted me to get married and he said no. i asked why, and he said (using his fingers as quotation marks) "that would be 'junk'!" i'm pretty sure he doesn't know what the quotation mark gesture means, and who knows what he meant by "junk". either way, i guess i won't be getting paid to get married...

speaking of getting married....CONGRATULATIONS MARIE AND PRESTON!!!!! i freaking love both of you so much!

speaking of love...

a brief update:

i'm still employed. a sincere thank you to everyone for your support and prayers... more details upon request.

tomorrow...

my stomach is in knots and i feel sick to the point where even my skin hurts. i'm totally nervous like i've never been nervous before.

pray for me please.

you are now free to move about the cabin

some things i learned yesterday:

• i'm incapable of packing for a trip any sooner than 2 hours in advance
• i actually DO like taco soup
• though i may have sung a particular song well over 100 times, i'll still forget the words when i'm nervous
• when a dunkin donuts cup says that the contents are "extremely hot" they actually mean it (goodbye taste buds- i'll miss thee)
• i love jet blue airlines
• i'm totally a window person
• it's possible that i come across as an unfriendly traveller. i don't like talking to people, so i usually stick in my headphones as soon as I get settled in, or bury my nose in a book. maybe i should work on that.
• benedryl and an eye mask work wonders. i'm usually out before the plane takes off and don't wake up until we land. it does make for a groggy drive home though...
• i hate dollar car rental (sorry girl with lime green eyeshadow working the desk at 1 am. i know it's not your fault that your company sucks and i didn't mean to take out my passive aggressive drugged rage on you. i hope the rest of your night was better...)
• seeing the confused, then excited looks on my nephews faces when i woke them up this morning was priceless. i love them.

come play for us...er...them

i love soccer.

i love REAL Salt Lake.

why, Beckham, why Galaxy?

okay, they're pretty good i guess...

long blog, blog long... a palendrome? not exactly.

let me tell you a little bit about how my day has been rollin'....

at exactly 10:38 am this morning my boss called me to tell me that our primary instructor had been recruited away from our company by no less than one of my customers. this represents a significant strain on my job, as he is the one who teaches 95% of the classes that i put on the schedule.

at 1:02 pm the president of the company called and left me a voice mail asking me to call him as soon as possible. i missed his call because i was on the way home from the airport where i had just dropped seth off to go to new jersey until who knows when.

1:33 pm i called the pres. he started our conversation by telling me that he had decided to make some changes in management and "let go" both of our company vice presidents (includes my boss), and that he gave them 2 weeks as of this morning. he went on to acknowledge that the responsibility for completely running our division now falls directly on my shoulders, and that with that he'd like me to sign an employment agreement for at least 6 months.

there were other details of which i can't write right now, but my job is about to get a lot more intense. i'm not even sure how i feel. i hate the idea of working there without my boss, who is my mentor and advocate, and the buffer between me and all that i hate about the company. on the other hand, this is an answer to my prayers. right now i just sort of want to cry.

i'll be flying out to utah next week to confirm the details and to strategize some changes for my division with the president, and mostly to say goodbye to my boss.

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okay, enough business. i've been meaning to write the following post for a few days and had i not been getting to bed around 3 or 4 each morning, i may have done so before now.

on saturday night i had the incredible (thank you seth) experience of attending the BSO and hearing Joshua Bell perform on the violin, along with Holst's The planets. what amazing talent exists in the world! it was truly awesome!!!

i love the symphony for so many reasons; the music, the atmosphere, the generally high class people attending, the fact that symphony hall lighting makes everyone look beautiful, etc. etc. etc. i also love the fact that for 2 1/2 hours i get to sit there and have my thoughts accompanied by beautiful music. on this particular night, my thoughts drifted to many of my experiences in boston that have really summed up my overall experience over the last 7 months, and i realized that each thing i was thinking about was a personal experience i have had with some of my friends. i wanted to briefly share, mostly for the benefit of my remembrance, but also because i think you all should know what i hold dear to my heart:

kylee: the time we hung out together in your room all evening. you shared your story and your feelings about your brother, among many other things. we laughed a lot, we cried a little. i've never seen you more real.

seth: not long ago you came over to my house at about midnight. not an uncommon occurrence, i know, but that night you had come to comfort me in my sadness. we laid on my bed and chatted, quoted arrested development of course, laughed too loudly to the point that carri had to come in and remind us that is was 2 am. then we bonded over some of our struggles and a particular goal we both had made for january, 2007. it was exactly what i needed that night.

marie: oh, too many to even number!! let's see...the T ride post following "jen" to crate and barrel was a good one, or our weekend spent in cape cod where my mom liked you more than me...or maybe it has been the countless nights we've talked and laughed or cried until 3, 4, even 5 in the morning. or maybe it's the fact that "we... finish...e...each..others... sen...sentences." i love you girl!

tim: once in march, and once in november; two different gloriously sunny days where we spent time on two different bridges. i feel like i knew you better in those hours than most others that we've spent together. even the silent moments were telling. i'll never forget your reply to my question, "what is your favorite thing about boston?"...

preston: a few weeks ago we were in the car driving from **secret** location, and you told me again and again how in love you are with marie. the way you described how you feel about her, and the sincerity with which you did it, is exactly the way that i would have described how i want someone to feel about her. keep it up, and you just might deserve her some day. ;)

peggy: our "post thanksgiving, pre-jane austen marathon run to ghetto target to find yarn, but ended up finding that fabulous jacket instead" trip. i know you shared some really personal stuff with me that day and i with you, and we instantly bonded to the point where i went out and bought us a broken heart friendship necklace. see me for your half.

rachel: "i luhv ya". lying on your bed that one night with peggy and somehow eating that cake into a heart shape. we share an obsession with shoes, bags, and black clothing (although you win out by a long shot). and don't let it go unmentioned that you gave me the best haircut of my life, and facilitated illegal underground activities for me with the estetician. i heart rachel.

colleen: i remember you're first sunday at church in your hot pink skirt. hot!! that's when i knew we should be friends. then there was our first VTing appointment at the boston common and the more you talked the more i thought, "when i grow up i want to be just like colleen!" you freaking rock this temporarily carb-less world!

jared: i believe you referred to it as "transcendental"; that one time we sat down in your front room and played hallelujah all the way through without a mistake. we just sat in the echo of those beautiful harmonics and all we could do was look at each other and nod in approval. here's to many more.

anyway, thanks to all of you for the wonderful times. now i must go book a flight.

5...4...3...2...1...1...2...3...4...happy new year!

it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...

it's a new year. it's funny to me how much pressure is put on the day after december 31st, when in actuality it's no different than the day before or the day after. somehow, we decide that january 1st starts a new life for us. well not me, i've decided that january 4th starts my new life... so take that new years!

today i finished one of the most life altering books i've ever read. the book is The Peacegiver by James Ferrell, and from it i've adopted a new mantra for my life, which is:

Entitled to nothing and grateful for everything

one of the main points in the book is that we all believe that as human beings we are entitled to certain blessings in life, especially if we live a certain way, or put up with certain hardships or trials. the truth is that because we are naturally sinful people, none of us, regardless of how we live, is entitled to anything but hell and that it is because of the mercy of our Savior Jesus Christ that we receive any blessings at all. therefore, i wish to live my life being truly grateful for all that i receive, as i know that all that is good comes from God.

if you're not yet sold on this book, let me just share with you one of the most profound passages i read:

"...our appreciation for what Christ did for us will fall abysmally short if we think that he fell on his face merely at the prospect of suffering for a few mortal hours, however excruciating that suffering might be. Both in impact, kind, and degree, what happens in Gethsemane cannot be marked merely by the clock of this fallen realm. Indeed, it's impact could be felt from the days of Adam and Eve, even though by the reckoning of this earth it hadn't yet happened. The atonement happened as much outside this time as within it, though what was outside we cannot hope to grasp. It was and is an infinite and eternal act, unbounded by the limitations of mortality. No wonder the Savior trembled at the thought of it, and 'would that he might not drink the bitter cup.' Mortal minds, with their earth-bound limitations, cannot comprehend the immensity of it."

i'm telling you- get it, read it, borrow it from me if you want.

anyway, additionally, as is tradition with new years, i have made some other resolutions for myself. i've decided this year to focus my goals solely on my relationships and on my spiritual progression. and most importantly, i have a goal to stick with my goals! i don't think i've resolved to do anything that should be too difficult, but if i can stick to them, my life will truly be changed. by small and simple things, shall great things come to pass.

finally, on a more temporal level, i've also decided that i need to allow myself more freedoms, especially where work is concerned. i've decided that it's okay for me to sleep right up to 8:30 or even 9:00 before i roll out of bed and turn on my computer. it's also okay that i don't shower or get dressed most days until after 2:00. it's okay to cut out of work an hour early ever once in a while to catch a matinee movie, or to take a little longer at lunch and then work a little longer afterward (or not). what is not okay is to fail to accomplish the things i need to at work, to fall short of my goals and quotas, or to let people down. as long as i can keep a healthy balance i'll be happy. in life in general i also want to allow myself more freedoms, like not feeling that an entire saturday spent watching movies is a waste, not feeling like a loser for staying home alone on a weekend night, being able to go to bed at 8:30 sometimes, or staying out until 3 AM on work nights and not feeling bad for either. i'm going to stop feeling bad when i start 3 books at once and don't end up finishing any of them (even if they are a "must read"). i'll stop feeling bad for not watching the news or reading newspapers. more often i want to allow myself the time to play my guitar and piano, hang out with my sister, talk to my non-boston dwelling friends and family, and cook meals made of real food. most definitely i will be enjoying more movies, more days at the beach in the summer, more road trips, more laughter, more time with my grandma in ohio, more success at work, more friends, more service, more missionary work, and most of all more chocolate!!!

it's interesting when you start to focus on all that you can do, rather than all that you can't do, how much easier it is to make lasting changes. i'd love to hear from everyone what they've decided they CAN do this year. if you haven't already blogged it, feel free to leave it as a comment.

loves to all. this is going to be an AWESOME year.