let's say you have a friend.
and let's say that said friend is on a slippery slope to self destruction, a path that is marked with subtle pitfalls- many that are hard to decipher unless you yourself have actually been on a similar road, or at least seen that road taken by too many others...
but let's also say that you're no longer close enough to said friend to be comfortable in voicing your concern to them directly. however, you know said friend has other friends who might be more influential, and you could probably say something to said other friends. what do you do?
no really, i want to know.
Friday, August 17, 2007
a survey. please respond
Posted by ju at Friday, August 17, 2007
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8 comments:
Does this friend have a priesthood leader they trust?
said person has access to priesthood leaders, but maybe not one in particular that they trust explicitly. also, it is doubtful that said person realizes they have a problem at all.
Sigh. Sounds like a catch-22. You want to help but don't feel in the position to make a difference by saying something that will probably fall on deaf ears or cause ill feelings. I guess like always, you pray to have the Spirit with you and prompt you how to act.
I feel like honesty is intertwined with love. I'm no expert but when you love someone and you see, feel, or know they are in any kind of danger--you tell them.
The fall out is three fold:
1.Either you lose them as a friend (which you need to be willing to do)
2.They actually listen, take it in, and figure out how to get help.
3.They don't listen, get upset, later figure it out, and appreciate you for caring.
My most vivid experience along this route ended with result #3. It was one of the harder things I've done in my life but I knew I'd regret it later if I didn't say something.
is there not a 4th option, namely:
4) you tell them, they disagree but don't take it as a personal attack, and appreciate your caring enough to worry about them, even if they don't actually take your advice
As guys we don't tend to give each other lots of advice (in general).
jake- thanks for the shout of from the male perspective- it helps. you rock. i miss you!
If you are not close enough to say something...don't. If you still care enough for that person that you feel you should say something, then fix the relationship or just move on without that person in your life.
ju- i know you, and i know your heart:) You care about others, and want the best for them. Regardless if you are close enough to them or not, if you feel this way, you should say something.
if you and i ever lost touch with each other, and we weren't as close as we have always been....you know me best. I would want you to help me, support me, or have my friends that are closer to me intervene, EVEN IF i didn't show you that i wanted your help, EVEN IF i told you to leave me alone....i'd want you to keep pushing, keep helping...and not give up on me...:)
i wouldn't give up on you, even if it put our friendship in jeopardy....i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i saw you falling and didn't do anything to stop it.
i love you,
e:)
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