Monday, January 07, 2008

next time, trust your instinct

last night i thought i was going to die. literally. i laid (lied, lay?) in bed with a distinct feeling that it would be my last night on earth. i thought about my friends and family, and actually felt really bad that someone would have to clean my room. at one point i was pretty sure i saw a light.

until my not-so-near death experience i had spent most of the weekend in bed with a raging headache and shooting pains down both my legs. nothing, save sleep, brought any kind of relief. today, after much coaxing from roommates and friends i finally decided to go to the doctor. i've never been to a doctor in boston, so i set out on the first task of finding one. luckily, harvard pilgrim health care has a handy dandy website in which you can locate doctors near you. the site even tells you if they are currently accepting patients or not. neat, right? wrong. after i had been rejected by the 7th doctor i called i started to get quite frustrated. the pounding in my head got worse, my vision became blurred. then i realized it was time to eat.

back from lunch and one last attempt. i finally, FINALLY got someone who was willing to take patients. however, the earliest appointment i could get with this doctor was in march. great. oh, but wait! they can put me in with dr. mcdoctor later on today. hooray!

at 3:30 i sojourned down to the medical plaza for my first ever experience of being a responsible and healthy adult in boston. the following is an almost minute by minute or word for word account of my adventure. note, there is no exaggeration:

3:35 fill out paperwork, pay co-pay, venture upstairs to the waiting room
3:55 receptionist: "who are you waiting for?" me: "dr. mcdoctor."
4:20 nurse: "julie hullllllet" me: "me." we go back to tiny and dingy exam room.
4:22 nurse: "hang up your coat and purse and sit on the exam table. i'll take your blood pressure and temperature. ok done. here's a gown- if we can have you remover your pants." nurse types away on computer for 35 seconds then exits without another comment.
4:55 nurse re-enters room. "doctor mcdoctor will be with you in a few minutes"
4:58 doctor: "hi, i'm blah blah blah. what can i do for you today?"
me: "well, i have had a headache for about 6 days and severe leg pains for about 2."
dr: "ok, what is the main reason for you coming in today?"
me: "um, i've had a headache for about 6 days and severe leg pains for about 2."
dr: "ok, well, which is worse?"
me: "i...don't know...they're both pretty bad."
dr: "well, choose one, we've only got 20 minutes."
(did he just say that?)
me: "uh, i guess my legs."

the doctor proceeds to rub my legs and asks, "does that hurt?" to which i reply, "no, it feels better when you rub them. that's the problem..."
dr: cutting me off "well, i don't know what to tell you. have you taken any pain meds?"
me: "yes-but nothing has worked."
dr: "ok, i want you to try to take 800mg of ibuprofen. if the pain gets worse, come back in a few days."
me: "no way in hell."*

5:05 the doctor is out the door.
5:06 i'm out the door.

and that, kids, is why i don't ever visit the doctor.

*of course i didn't actually say that, but i wish i had.


Seth said...

Unbelievable! What a complete ass! Is there someone higher up the chain you can get him in trouble with? I seriously can't believe it. What is wrong with this world?

K. Marie Criddle said...

Oh, Ju! I'm so sorry! You should complain big time like I should have with Dr. Bloody Sheet McFingerson. ("I'm a Suu--uh! AHHH! --stitute teacher...") Get better soon. Let me bring you tea and sushi.

Erin:) said...

ju- i hope you are feeling better... are you??? i keep praying for you, im worried now too:(

thats what best friends do you know:) you hesitate in telling me b.c i will panick then i tell you i won't, then you tell me, then i do... see thats how it works :) lol:)

ps where has seth been, i haven't seen a comment from him in forever! :)

Rachel said...

Do you want me to stick a fork in his leg and see how he feels about his leg pains? Maybe I could tell him to take some pain meds.

Feel better. What can I do, aside from the stabbing of course?

ju said...

i'd just like to announce that i just got off the phone with the clinic where i registered a very lengthy complaint against dr. mcshmuckdoctor. hooray for standing up for yourself.

Mary said...

I say we burn 'em, then we tattoo 'em, then we hang 'em, and then we kill 'em.

Excuse me, but why did not you listen to me and go to the doctor I told you to go to? My doctor is good and kind. Why do not you listen?