not tonight

is a really good song by tegan and sarah. most people hate them, but i hate those people. not really.

it's friday afternoon, so naturally, time for some senseless rambling...

i was reading one of my many started-but-not-finished journals the other night. the first entry, of course, indicates a commitment on my part to write frequently. that entry is on january 26th, 2006. the next entry is on march 1st, and the following (and final) entry is on april 10th. so much for the commitment.

but then i got to thinking, what do i want a journal for anyway? i have a blog which pretty much covers the highlights of my life should my posterity somehow ever become interested. i know, i know, a journal is supposed to be more personal. and sure, there are things in my journals that i'd never post on a blog, but when it comes down to it, i'm pretty sure i don't want my kids knowing some of the crap i've done or continue to do. and yes, perhaps some would argue that it may help my kids to identify more with me, but i've never read my parents journals and somehow i've still managed to believe that they are human beings. so in short, i'm done feeling bad about not being a journal writer...yeah, maybe that's what i'll give up for lent...journals.

last night i went climbing with marie. it was awesome as always, and i climbed a 5.8, which i consider to be a feat for someone who 1. lacks upper body strength, and 2. has only been climbing maybe 5 times? plus, marie gave me a high five, so that means something, right? of course, that was right after she got done doing the same climb one handed. make no mistake, that marie is a climber! she did tell me that i have to buy my own chalk bag now. maybe it's because i kept forgetting to give hers to her before she took off up the rock. i blame her at least 50% for that. but ok, ok, i'll get my own.

i've had my i-tunes shuffling through all my music (and audio books, podcasts, etc.) today which gives me the chance to listen to a lot of stuff i don't normally gravitate to on my own. besides, it's kind of exciting to listen to a chapter of great expectations stuffed somewhere between 'tool' and 'the flaming lips'. yeah, no, i don't actually listen to the whole chapter, but if i let it play for a few minutes, i can consider that my reading quota for the day has been fulfilled.

let's see, what else can i say for posterity sake? um...

uh...

er...

don't do drugs!

for lent

today is ash wednesday, which means 2 things:

1. i missed a ton of mardi gras parties last night. (dang!*)
2. time to decide what to give up for lent.

i guess i could go with the usual things; soda, chocolate (i'd rather die than give that up), candy, etc...or get more traditional and go without meat (but it's what's for dinner)...or maybe get creative and give up something like gchat or television series on dvd (i shudder to think of living life without either)...

when i asked a friend about what she was going to give up she said, "my assumptions." i've been thinking about that a lot and wonder if perhaps i should reach in deeper and find those personality traits or characteristics or habits which ultimately make my life harder, but which i can't seem to function without- and maybe give them up for the next 46 days.

so, what are you going to give up?

*by the way, i way preferred my pancake evening to any mardi gras party around. there were no parades, no masks, and no beads, but there was syrup...sweet, sweet syrup!

oh, and one more thing...

thank you, preston, for pointing out that today is

NATIONAL PANCAKE DAY!!!

yes, i will be making and enjoying some this eve.

i want candy

you know your sugar craving is serious when you actually consider pulling that box of jujubes that you threw away out of the garbage for one last hurrah.

just hypothetically speaking...

i've been looking so long at these pictures of you...

i have about a million (exaggeration) pictures that i have been remiss in posting, so i'm about to commence with a barrage of images for your viewing pleasure. no rhyme or reason, and i can't guarantee chronological accuracy, but i hope you enjoy. and feel free to steal these- just give me the credit for it when you become famous and it ends up on your vh1 "before they were stars" special.

a beautiful day at the beach in...um...december!

jared's getting ready...

and there he goes!

we're awesome.

pre-gala. we're hot!

guster! we waited in line for 15 hours to see them play 5 songs and we didn't even get to hear 'the captain'!

douglass with a mohawk- don't tell the bishop...

peggy is such a faker! way to "ruin" our new years eve! :)

post hospital we met up with rachel's boyfriend...

then peggy tried to hit on him... but she's on drugs at this point, so we forgive her.

and later that night back at the ranch (note the time)

(lush)

that's bryce's rear in the front, and seth's in the back. hot!

rj and bryce at the jewel concert. i guess it's a slow motion punch or something...?

marie and i don't know what's going on, but at least there's a time stamp.

yes- it's jewel. we were 900 miles away, so the camera zoom is maxed. it's the best i could do.

i bet if you look close you can tell where we are, and by the look on his face you can tell what he just did...
tada!

my valentines day cake- dripping with my blood! so emo!!

happy s.a.d.

...and so do i.

step 1: admitting you have a problem

today sucks. i don't know why, but i know i want to crawl into my bed for the rest of the evening...or the rest of my life...whatever.

anyway, i was talking to my mentor today about my current situation. not so much talking as near-tears venting. he said something very interesting to me which has a more profound affect the more i think about it.

he said, "your frustration is a product of your own expectations."

okay, so 2 things i like about this. one-it's so true. when it comes to this certain challenge i'm facing, i realize that i am expecting it to be something that it's not, and thereby creating my own disappointment. and two- i love that i have someone like him who knows me so well and doesn't let me just get away with complaining about life. he's not afraid to tell me to take responsibility for myself and to stop complaining and do something.

now, if only i can pull myself out of bed and move on to step 2...

ohio take 9

i spent some time visiting with my grandma tonight. she's 90 years old, so i don't put too much stock in some of the things she says, but it's certainly interesting to hear her stories.

tonight she laughed as she told me about visiting the rock 'n' roll hall of fame in cincinnati about 3 years ago. she said that they (my parents, brother, and she) watched a simulated jimmy hendrix concert and she thought the whole thing was live. it wasn't until weeks later that she found out that he's been dead for a number of years. my grandma freaking rocks.

ohio take 8 (is this getting old?)

top 10 reasons i love being home:

10. free food (and my mom's cooking)
9. being re-united with the z
8. my dad's jokes
7. head pets and back scratches at bedtime (i know, i'm 4 years old)
6. heat! these people actually run their heat! and carpet! oh, how i miss it sometimes.
5. getting the best sleep of my life
4. my 90 year old grandma (who asked if the waiter at dinner the other night was married...then played it off like she was asking for my benefit)
3. giggling uncontrollably with my little brother as we kneel for family prayer- getting my mom going (or sometimes she starts it), and waiting for that totally predictable eye roll from my dad
2. seeing how much my parents are in love still
1. the wonderful feeling of being a kid again, if even for a few moments out of a few days

ohio take 6...er 7

so i had a day of rest, sue me.

yesterday -post church and stuff- my little brother and i resumed our old time tradition of disney movie fest. and when i say fest, i mean it. three in a row people! this is something we used to do on sunday's when we lived together, and i've always loved it. what is it about everything disney that is so magical? is magical even a word? whatever, i digress.

when it was all over, i sat there thinking about how all girls want a prince charming. then i thought about prince charming in snow white and realized, no we don't! seriously, what did that dude do throughout the whole movie? nothing! he just showed up at the end for a little action and then rode off into the sunset with his woman. and cinderella's prince? again- nothing! it wasn't he who was searching all night for the girl attached to the right size foot. but again, he shows up in the end to reap the rewards. and the beast? don't even get me started on that one...

anyway, it's late and i have little desire to go off on my diatribe of qualities i'd like to have in my prince. all i'm saying is that i think we'd all like someone in our lives who are a bit more proactive. someone who will fight dragons for us. you know, like sleeping beauty's bf.

ohio take 5

i used to have a dog that looked exactly like the white one. she was my favorite pet of all time. she was 19 when we had to finally put her to sleep, which is 133 dog years old...and i have nothing interesting to add...

goodnight.

ohio take 4

these are the gems i get from my little bro:

(sorry kids, i didn't want the video on the blog anymore, but you can access it here)

enough said.

ohio take 3

i used the expression "all up in my grill" today while talking to my dad. later on this evening at dinner my dad said something about someone being "all up in his rake". uh, yeah... whatever dad.

in other news, my dad also told me last night that i can't stay past the 13th because the 14th is my parent's anniversary, and he doesn't want me cutting down any of his action. whoa! too much information?